Breaking the Silence
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Counselling

COUNSELLING & LEGAL CASES

  1. Ms  G. A

 Ms. G. A. came to Project Alert on 10th September, 2015 to complain about the father of her child Mr. T. She alleged that Mr. T. has been assaulting her in the public and also abandoned the responsibility of caring of his child. According to her, she is not legally married to him but they were live in lovers due to the death of her husband with whom she has 2 children for.  She was counseled accordingly. Mr. T. was invited and a MOU was drafted in which Mr. T. agreed that he will be giving a monthly up keep of five thousand (N5,000.00) Naira monthly for his daughter’s upkeep. Project Alert also assisted Ms. G. to get a cleaning job with one of their old client to help cushion her financial problems.

  1. Mrs. T. A

Mrs. T. has been married for 20 years. During this time, her husband did not allow her to work and together they have a 13 years old daughter. She reported that she lost her HND certificate due to years of joblessness. She stated that though her husband never abused her physically, he was verbally abusive, and this in turn caused her a lot of psychological trauma. She talked of spiritual attacks on her in dreams. She was subjected to sessions with a Clinical Psychologist during which issues such as low self esteem; suicidal thoughts and depression where dealt with.  Mrs. T.A is now working in a primary school as a teacher; and is separated from her husband.

  1. Mrs. R. R

Mrs. R. came to Project Alert on 23rd February, 2015 to complain about her husband.  According to her, they started a business together, built house together and bought cars yet, all the documents are in her husband’s name. She contributed 70% of the money to the business and house they built. When she asked him why all the documents were in his name only, he will take offence and pick a quarrel with her, saying she should not question him. He started sleeping around with women, and when she expressed her displeasure, he would beat her up.  She decided to look for the documents and hide them, because she started sensing that he wants to either throw her out and bring in another woman, or sell the house without her knowledge. She succeeded in getting the house papers and hid them, and this enraged him. He threatened to move out of the house, if she didn’t release the documents. She refused and he left, after beating her black and blue. We intervened on her behalf and did a petition to the police, based on which he was invited to the station, warned against such further acts, and made to sign an undertaken never to lay his hands on her.
 He proceeded thereafter to a customary court to divorce her since they had only a traditional marriage. Project Alert was able to get a restraining order on him, so that he does not come near her and the children.

  1. Mrs. D

On 12th June, 2015 Mrs. D. walked into Project Alert to report a case of abuse against her by husband. According to her, she got married to him in 2003, and the marriage is blessed with a male child. Her husband lost his job immediately after their wedding and he feels she is the one that brought bad luck to him. He has been in the habit of abusing her verbally, which is almost making her to lose her self esteem. He says hurtful words to her like ’’ I regret marrying you”, “your nature is that of a prostitute”, I won’t doubt if you are possessed”. He is accusing her family of being behind his predicament. Sometimes, he does disgrace her publicly, she gave an instance of the one he did at Onikan junction. Because of his incessant abuse, her pride, dignity and self-esteem has been taken away. She is having sessions with a Clinical Psychologist and gradually, she is beginning to regain her self confidence. Meanwhile Project Alert is also counseling the man.

MRS F. A.
Married to a pastor, Mrs. F. A, came to Project Alert for counseling. She had moved out from her husband’s home because he impregnated another lady. A diligent wife who had been submitting to her husband according to the tenets of the bible, she was shocked to know that her husband was unfaithful. She lamented all the help she had rendered to her husband whom she did the business of estate agents with.

Project Alert counselled her and advised her to carry on with her career as she did not want us to invite her husband nor did she want to take any legal action.

MS. N.O
On April 26 2007, a case of breach of agreement to marry and neglect was reported to us by Mrs. N. O. She claimed her husband and father of her children reneged on his responsibilities to the family. Both parties met in 2001 and started living together and she had three children for him, along the line the husband said he was not going to marry her formally that she was troublesome and he used that as an excuse to run away from home and refused to provide for the children’s feeding and school fees.
Project Alert wrote a letter inviting her husband who came and said his mother before her death told him not to pay her dowry on her, and advised him to look for another woman. He admitted loving Ms. N.O. and did not understand why his mother could not see the nice person she really was before dying. He however asked Project Alert to counsel her not to ferment trouble. After three counseling sessions, both parties went home happily with the husband paying the children’s fees, and promising to marry her before the end of the year.

MISS. J. A
A young girl in her teen came to our office on April 30, 2007 to complain of the father of her son who abandoned her when she was pregnant only to reappear, making frantic efforts to take the baby boy by force from her. Her church that assisted her with micro finance to do petty trading brought the case to us, with their lawyer who accompanied her to our office.
Project Alert wrote a letter inviting the said father, but he did not turn up.  Miss J.A. was however counseled to move on with her life, while a case of attempted abduction was lodged in the police station against the boy.  She was encouraged to attend Project Alerts monthly survivors’ forum with her son. In the forum she met older women and girls and learned from the experiences shared. She made up her mind to resist her son’s father love advances which he was using to get at her. She said she told the said man to visit her church since he was afraid to come to Project Alert to discuss the terms of maintenance for the child.

MRS A. E
A pregnant Mrs. A. E came to Project Alert on May 17, 2007 to complain of her husband’s incessant battery even in her pregnant state. Minor arguments according to her led to fights and malice from her husband and their two children were not spared from the malice that leads to neglect of the family. She complained of being cheated for years by him as he refused to establish her in business as he promised at the onset of their marriage. Her husband told her not to bother with paid employment as he would establish her but he did not keep to the promise. Ten years into the marriage he turned around to call her a lazy woman who refused to work and was not good in business. The incident that led her to Project Alert was a beating her husband gave her that saw her bleeding from her private part. She packed out of their home and went to join her younger sister.
Project Alert invited her husband and her sister. With continuous counseling, and follow up with her doctor on her health by the Executive Director Project Alert, Mrs. A .E moved back home and later had a bouncing baby girl. Her husband at the end of the day set up a business for her and she invited Project Alert to the opening ceremony.

MRS C.O.
A case of abandonment on the grounds of childlessness. Mrs C. O was referred to us on June 20, 2007 from a journalist with the Vanguard News paper. She complained that her marriage of five years came to an end when she went with her husband to his village for burial. During the burial, she was humiliated by his family members who asked why her belly was still flat and not protruding with a baby. As soon as they returned to Lagos, her husband attitude changed and some days later, her told her was going away from the home on a 40 day fasting.
He returned after a month and some weeks to accuse her of being a witch and being responsible for his lack of promotion in the office. He said these were revealed to him during his fasting in a particular church. He packed his bag; beat his wife mercilessly when she stood in his way not to leave her alone.thereafter all attempts made by Mrs. C.O to get her husband back, through the church leaders, family members proved abortive and she gave up on life and tried several times to commit suicide. Her husband worked his transfer out of Lagos state since 2005 and Mrs. C O had not seen him. She was jobless and homeless and had loaned him all her savings for the burial.
Project Alert gave her shelter in Sophia’s Place and sent her on a computer course for some months.  She is currently under the employment of Project Alert and still undecided on the legal action to take.

MRS. D. A
On October 28, 2007, a young Mrs. D.A. came to complain neglect and abandonment from the man she married in 2002 that traveled abroad and never came back nor got in touch with her and their young daughter.
Mrs. A, a student at the Lagos State University (LASU) was introduced to Mr. A when she was in 300 level. Mr. A who lives abroad, asked her to marry him and she jumped at the proposal and along the line, got pregnant for Mr. A. . Mr. A took wine to her village for formal introduction the traditional way, and thereafter left her with her parents in Lagos, and traveled back to his base in Europe. Six months after, our client gave birth, Mr. A came to see his daughter  and left soon after in 2003.He called on the phone a couple of times and then stopped. He changed his phone number and moved from the residential address our client had, and as a result, she could no longer communicate with him. When she informed his family, they also claimed that they had not heard from him. She was now saddled with the responsibility of being a father and a mother to their baby; catering fro her needs (financially and emotionally), and at the same time her studies, which had been affected during the period of pregnancy.

She was counseled to face her studies seriously, and try to forget Mr. A. difficult as it may be. She was made to realize that the man was no longer interested in the relation, as evident not only by his change of phone number and address, but also his family unwillingness to assist her with information as to his whereabouts. The parents were also counseled to assist their child by taking care of the baby for her, while she continued her studies. This they agreed to do.

Survivors’ Forum
This quarterly forum, offers a close supportive environment for women and girls who had been or are presently victims of one form of violence or the other to share their experiences and make positive choices that would help break the feeling of hopelessness brought about by the violence they had experienced or are still experiencing.

Between 10 – 15 women are identified from past and current cases in the organization, and invited to each of the quarterly meetings. Maximum of two and minimum of one resource person/s with wealth of experience to motivate the women to break the circle of violence in their lives, through improved self esteem; financial empowerment and self-actualization; practical skills acquisition and integration into the system after physical, sexual and psychological abuses, are invited to speak to the survivors.

Motivational Speakers are made up of either former clients of Project Alert (survivors) or other persons from different fields – medicine, business, religion, counseling, etc. The speakers structure their talk around the processes of coping with hurts, depression, separation and divorce, illnesses and other losses which are consequences of violence against women and girls. Topics discussed ranges from: Coping through Separation and Divorce; Promoting Good Family Relations; Starting a New Life after an Abusive Situation;. Gathering Self-Esteem through Emotional Stabilit;  Handling Legal Matters on Matrimonial Causes;  Health and Wellness: Finding your own Happiness; Acquiring Stocks to Securing the future; Enduring to Succeed; Starting from Where You Are; Knowing Your Purpose; Breaking the Silence; Healing your life;  Dealing with your feelings; amongst other.


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